Kaleidoscope of the Heart: Learning to accept yourself
Rika Kayama
More people than I can count visit my office saying the same thing: "I don't have self-confidence."
While I listen to what their lives are like now, or how they were leading up to now, I have always said basically the same thing, "Hmm, I think you have every right to have quite a lot of self-confidence."
Recently, however, a patient who visited asked me something. "Do we have to have self-confidence? Is it impossible to just get by as we are?"
Those words gave me a start. It was actually just as that patient said. I had always wanted to say to my patients, "You are fine as you are," but instead, I would always end up saying, "All right, let's have more self-confidence" and put an unreasonable demands on them.
Thinking about it, these patients being "fine as they are" would naturally mean "fine without self-confidence." There, in front of the patient who made me realize this, I spoke quietly to myself.
"That's right, we're fine without self-confidence."
Still, without confidence, getting by everyday is not easy. We feel inferior to others and become depressed from the smallest criticism. Some people even end up feeling they're worthless, practically losing their will to live.
That doesn't mean however, that anything will change from chanting, "Have confidence, have confidence!" and trying to drum up courage. When we get depressed, we can recognize that, and accept that it's a part of us, while remembering that in time we will return to our normal, happier selves. If we don't begin by accepting ourselves this way, it may be that change will never come.
Looking at Japan, it is full of people and companies looking to politicians to bring them back their lost self-confidence. It would be nice if society did indeed improve and lead to everyone's recovery. If we fall, however, under the illusion that politicians promising everything will make us better, as if through magic, we will only be disappointed.
Though we may lack confidence, first we should focus on clearing the challenges in front of us, one by one. We shouldn't pressure ourselves into feeling we need to be more confident. It is this way of living that I believe is needed now, both by individuals and our society. (By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist)
Click here for the original Japanese story
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